Pretty good to know that low self esteem causes addictions. More often than you may think. Let’s start off with a brill video in which Katie Makkai, a veteran poetry slammer, is defining the word “pretty”.
The cancer of low self esteem
High self-esteem is now viewed much as cocaine was in the 1880s, as a wondrous new cure for all ills, miraculously free of dangerous side-effects. Self-esteem is both the sacred cow and the golden calf of our culture. Nothing is esteemed higher than self-esteem, and no self-esteem can be too high. Nathaniel Branden, a leading exponent of self-esteem, raises the question: “Is it possible to have too much self-esteem?” and gives the resounding answer: “No, it is not, no more than it is possible to have too much physical health.”
Its deeply embedded in relationships. A person who has low self esteem and has a drug or alcohol addiction or is at risk for developing an addiction normally has problems with relationships. … They will begin to blame the people in their life for their feelings, and this causes them to have a hard time maintaining relationships.
Stop rating yourself
If we rate ourselves to high, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Too low, the disappointment becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Another problem is that once we get into the habit of thinking that we are good because we have performed well or bad because we have performed poorly, we generally find that this is not symmetrical. There is something innate in human beings–perhaps it has survival value–to pay attention to what is creating discomfort and to pay no attention to what is going OK. Self-raters therefore tend to drift downward in terms of self esteem in their self-rating, drawing gloomy conclusions when they fall short, and not fully balancing these with optimistic conclusions when they do well. This tendency is all the more powerful because of a fact I have omitted to mention so far, for the sake of simplicity. People who rate themselves always find in practice that “feeling good” or “feeling bad” about themselves is not stable. So, when we say that someone has high or low self-esteem, we’re referring to an average: how good they feel about themselves always fluctuates. Our moods fluctuate naturally, and hanging our sense of well-being on the peg of our self-rating tends to magnify the mood swings.
Tips for maintaining self esteem
- Gain Control of Yourself: Do not be critical of yourself to others. Whilst it can be useful to confide your concerns to someone you trust, telling the world is something else. Be kind to yourself. Make a list of your good qualities and believe them, believe in yourself.
- Don’t Be A Complainer: Everyone has problems, so why should yours be greater than others? By being negative you can isolate yourself from others and cut yourself off from solutions to problems.
- Learn to Relax: Allow time for yourself each day. This may only be a few minutes, but it is important to be quiet and to unwind.
- Boost Your Own Morale: Allow yourself a treat from time to time, especially if you have overcome a hurdle in personal presentation, particularly after your first formal talk or after a successful meeting. It does not have to be expensive – a cup of coffee at a pleasant place, or some other treat.
- Congratulate Yourself on a job/task well done and perhaps tell a friend. Do not always be the one to give out praise, you need some too. Justified praise is a good boost to morale.
- Learn to Channel Nerves and Tension Positively: when you are nervous, adrenaline is pumped through the body and you feel more keyed up and alert. This extra energy can be used to good effect; enabling you to communicate with greater enthusiasm and intensity, for example.
- Learn to be Assertive: Stand up for what you believe in and do not be pressured by others.